I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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