come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
