So drunk its hurt
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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