I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
