tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm too high and old for this...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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