I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
