You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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