Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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