Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
