Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
