yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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