i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
