Fine. I'll sleep in my office
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
