youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
