4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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