doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
