yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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