Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
