you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
