hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
