i think i have two assholes
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
