i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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