bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize