Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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