she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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