I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
