The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
