If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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