So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
