I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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