think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Randomize
