Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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