Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
