Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
