Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
