you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize