Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You left your phone here
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