I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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