do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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