I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
