I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize