i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
