I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
and you fell through a lawn chair
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
