So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I want to fling myself into the sun
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize