Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
