he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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