you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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