I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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