used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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