Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
