we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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