worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
