If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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