I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
