Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
