What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
