i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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