i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
