so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
