Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize