So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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