do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
