He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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