No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
