he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
