Please, let me fuck your mom
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
