hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
