I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
