i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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