she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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