i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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