Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
