How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize