watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
