my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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