Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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