I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
