it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
