..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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